Writing Don’t Come Easy, Not For Me

A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. – Thomas Mann

Alright, I know that some writers think that writer’s angst is just a load of manure, but I’m living proof that writing isn’t easy.  Sure, I can spew out words no problem, my email recipients know that well, but writing the kind of material that I like to read or that has some kernel of meaning, well, that can drive me nuts.

Even writing this blog post, I’m cringing, looking for any excuse to put this post down.  One hand shields my eyes from the screen – no, I didn’t say that!  I keep checking the title.  Do I go with the ungrammatical, but heartfelt title; do I correct the grammar; or do I change it altogether?  At this rate, even a short blog post consumes hours of blood, sweat & tears.

I know I’m overthinking the writing, but that’s how I do things.  In January, I resolved to fan the flame of my writing efforts by working through the portable MFA in creative writing: improve your craft with the core essentials taught to MFA students. 

Two months later, I’ve written diddlysquat.  I’ve skimmed the book, thought about tackling assignments in disparate genres, and considered where it’s best to start.  I’ve put a lot of energy into writing nada.

Overthinking is killing my writing mojo.

It’s time for a new plan.  I’m going back to the portable MFA and starting at the beginning, with the first assignment.  Obvious, I know, hey, I never claimed to be  a brilliant thinker.  But, I can do this.

First assignment: Make a list of five turning points in your life and note the years in which those turning points occurred.  Tim Tomlinson, author of this first Fiction assignment, tells us that “many stories are built upon life turning points” and that “autobiography and its connection to history can lead to resonant fiction.”

Ok, I buy that, the only problem I have is choosing just five turning points in my life.  Every little thing could’ve been a turning point: the night my mom threatened to fly off the roof during one of her nervous breakdowns, the trip where I was strip searched on my way to Bogota, Colombia with the payroll for the leather factory during an unscheduled break from 10th Grade, the week that our parents left an 11 and 10-year-old to mind the store and two babies in Old San Juan, or the day I yelled at my parents for being hypocrites in attending my National Honor Society induction ceremony?

Every day could be written as a turning point in my life, some are just more colorful than others.  And yes, they can speak to the historical events of the time, but maybe not.  Maybe they just speak to the incredible weirdness of my own upbringing, or the randomness of impetus.

Was it just serendipity that as I tackled this assignment, I came across Amy Tan’s TED Talks Video, Where Does Creativity Hide? 

Amy Talks talks about how writers strive to discover a cosmology of their own universe.  We’re trying to create something out of nothing, while looking for some particle of truth that explains why things are the way they are.  And, as we “imagine fully,”

imagination is the closest thing to feeling compassion 

So, here I go overthinking again, but maybe if I can write about these turning points, observing them within their historical context, maybe then I’ll understand why my childhood was so far from the Beaver Cleaver ideal.

Now, I don’t know if this struggle makes me a writer, or if this makes writing a more difficult process for me than it does for others.  All I’m saying is that I’m with Thomas Mann on this one, writing is difficult.

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